#27: A guide to going 'out-out' in Italy

 All the best things are served with sequins in Italy...

All the best things are served with sequins in Italy...

 

  1. They start late. I mean really late. At 11.30pm I was snoozing in front of the TV in a happy pasta coma. At 11.45pm I was slapped on the head by G’s cousin and asked if I wanted to ‘vai ballare’ (go dancing). 
  2. Motor scooter is a standard method of arrival. Much more suave than a trip on the tube and makes turning up in an Uber look about as cool as arriving somewhere with your grandad in his old ford KA. 
  3. Even when you think the night is going to begin, it doesn’t. I thought arriving at midnight meant you just got straight into the dancing bit. Alas no, this is when the pre-drinking begins.
  4. Italians have absolutely no concerns about being overdressed. In London, if anything you get massive kudos for wearing nikes. Here, platforms, body con and big hair are the standard uniform. So turning up in black jeans and bad shoes was essentially akin to wearing a big sign saying, ‘avoid me, I’m not from around here’. Italian women are very beautiful and very glamorous, so the entire experience did not feel dissimilar to the many times I’ve accompanied my best friend to G.A.Y  as wingman. I was the invisible woman. 
  5. It’s very camp. Sparkles, chandeliers and, at this club, lots of women dancing in cages. 
  6. You can smoke inside. In London the allure of the smoking area is declining and its no longer so sexy to stand in a small yard, rapidly inhaling menthols and trying to stop teeth visibly chattering whilst being chatted up by some bloke on birthday boozer. Here, you can just light up anywhere. Think this is what London must’ve been like in the early nineties. 
  7. Drunk Italians speak more English than sober Italians. 
  8. Despite this G’s cousin spent much time introducing me to people saying ‘lei capisce l’italiano ma non lo parle’, (she understands Italian but doesn't speak it) which is code for ‘dont say anything about her shit shoes because she’ll understand’. 
  9. Italians are big dancers. They also love to dance on all the furniture. Unfortunately, being from a massive city, I had a reputation to uphold. I didn't feel I could tell them that I’d got into a habit of getting to clubs early to avoid entrance fee and to ensure I have enough space to bust out a really good Beyonce routine before leaving in timely manner. So I did much furniture dancing. 
  10. Entry is usually free before 1.30am. It doesn't really kick off until 3.30 and you don't leave until 5.30 or 6 (by motor scooter obviously).