Yes, yes. Italy is great. The food. The sea. The art. The way they pronounce your name. My love affair with Italy isn’t over just yet. But, after you’ve lived here for a while there are a few things which seriously start to get on your nerves.
1. 'Going for a coffee' really isn't a thing.
Or rather, it is, but it involves downing a shot of espresso at the bar like a sambuca. Italians wouldn't ever spend a morning nursing a hot drink in a Starbucks type establishment with big comfy sofas and excellent WIFI.
2. Really, really tiny napkins
Who are they helping?! And why are they coated in a layer of very unhelpful plastic?!
3. The notable lack of kettles.
Something you will never hear in Italy? 'Pop over and I'll stick the kettle on'. Boiling water in Italy involves pouring water into a small contraption (below) in manner of Victorian maid.
4. And WIFI for that matter.
Where is all the WIFI in Italy? Who is stealing it all?
5. All the dubbing.
You will forget what it feels like to watch a TV program where the actor's mouth and the words coming out of it work simultaneously. Even Peppa Pig is dubbed.
And the voice-overs? Look what they did to Snape.
4. Time stops in the afternoon.
Particularly in the South. Everything closes at 1pm doesn't open again until 5pm. The only people you will see on the streets are perplexed tourists wandering aimlessly and wondering what the hell they're supposed to do with four hours of precious holiday time.
It is probably the only place in the world where saying to someone ‘have a good sleep’ after lunch is normal. And if you meet someone between the hours 2pm and 5pm, it is also perfectly acceptable for someone to tilt their head and say ‘aww. you must be tired’ as if you have done something far more strenuous with your day than waking up and eating a bowl of carbohydrates.
5. These bastards.
You will get used to feeling itchy all of the time.
6. The fact that no one does anything by themselves.
Italy is not the place to travel alone. You will NEVER see someone by themselves on the street. Even old men go out in pairs. Going for dinner by yourself will result in you having to endure many conversations with many waiters who will interrogate you on why you are by yourself and who will have many inconspicuous conversations with other waiters behind pillars.
8. Italians walk REALLY slowly.
Brisk walks just do not exist here. You will have to learn to adjust your walking tempo to that of a small child learning how to walk.
9. All the waiting.
If you make a plan to meet someone at 5.30pm, they will turn up anytime between 5.30pm and 7pm. Bus timetables are essentially redundant.
Watches exist here too people.